


the feeling of worthlessness

by kumi_seok



Category: GOT7, NCT (Band), Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bad Writing, Bottom Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, F/F, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope-centric, M/M, Multi, Pack Dynamics, Sad Jung Hoseok | J-Hope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-22 04:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30032937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumi_seok/pseuds/kumi_seok
Summary: and he was once again reminded that they would never want him the way he wanted them.because betas always come last.this book is a scrap.a (still shitty) edited version of my story from wattpad
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Everyone, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

there were always roles for their society. 

there were alphas and omegas.

and then there were betas.

that's how the world worked with the sub genders everyone had. those of omega sub genders were worshipped for their ability to bare children.

those of alpha sub genders were worshipped for their strong manner and natural leadership.

those of beta sub genders found themselves at the edge of bridges and at the bottom of lakes.

they had nothing besides the title of being a beta. they couldn't bare children (women aside), they couldn't protect their pack (if accepted into one), and they couldn't help an alpha or an omega in heat as they were either physically unable to take or give a knot; cases in which they could were unseen. 

betas were always last choice for mostly everything (not including jobs) and betas normally found themselves in relationships with others of the same sub gender because of a few sub gender issues. 

betas had no real purpose other than to be a placeholder in packs. the other sub genders would never crave their touch. betas couldn't produce slick or nurture enough. they couldn't protect omegas as much as an alpha could. betas sat in the middle, neutral playing ground that no one seemed to want to step on. 

and jung hoseok carried the burden of being a beta. 

he needn't be remind of his status. but whenever a pack member went into heat or rut he had found himself being the last option of comfort. as much as he wanted to help, they just wouldn't let him. they didn't crave for him the way he did for them.

this reinforcing his title of beta and shoving it in his face. what is he good for? 

he sighed as he laid down in his room; his pack members helping jeongguk through his heat, poor baby.

he played around with the one stuffed animal he had received over the the 7 years he had been with this pack absentmindedly. his heart strings thinning as he stared at the photo frames filled with photos of his pack members. photos that had him peeking in from the back, or slightly cropped off on the side.

he loved them and they loved him too.

they loved him too right?

'hi hyung.' hoseok smiled, moving aside for the alpha who just returned the smile back. he watched as the seokjin grabbed a few water bottles and packets of chips before leaving the kitchen and heading back to jeongguk's room. leaving hoseok alone. 

alone like he always was and always is. 

'pack problems?' hoseok had decided to go clubbing, asking permission from the head alpha who just grunted with a nod. hoseok doesn't think namjoon was listening, he never does.

hoseok eyed the beta who sat next to him. 'what makes you think that?' taking a sip from his drink before placing his hand over the top.

the male chuckled. 'trust me, all betas go drinking when they have pack problems.' hoseok laughed, the male was right. betas went drinking and talked to other betas who had problems with their pack.

'i can't disagree with that. what about yourself?' 

'i'm here with my pack.' hoseok nodded, eyes a little wide. that's new. 

'oh yeah? what's the occasion?' the male smiled before placing his head on the counter. 'nothing really. we're just looking for pack members. my alphas have asked me if i wanted to have another beta join me to try and even out our sub gender numbers you know?' 

hoseok choked on his drink. 'i'm sorry what? are they asking if you want another beta so you aren't lonely?' the male laughed and shook his head. 

'i mean partially yeah but mainly so i have another beta just like how our alpha has another alpha and the same with our omegas.' hoseok nodded, still confused. 'that's...nice i guess.' 

'yeah it is. what about your pack?' 

hoseok slumped over slightly. 'i'm the only beta in a 4 alpha and 2 omega pack.' the other rubbed hoseok's shoulder. 'oh, that's...i'm sorry. they worry over the omegas a lot don't they?' 

hoseok once again, nodded. 'it's like i don't even exist.' his eyes grew sad, and his face turned a little pale. 'i'm sorry to hear about that, but it'll get better.' 

hoseok laughed sourly before chugging the rest of his drink down. 'it hasn't been getting better for the last 7 years.' he ignored the way the other beta gasped. 'they haven't even marked me, hell, i'm not even sure why i'm still part of the pack. but i love them too much to leave and go nowhere.' 

hoseok liked how the other listened so tentatively; liked how the other looked at him with such soft eyes that he hasn't felt on him for years. 'it's the feeling of worthlessness that reminds me that i'm still and will always be nothing; with or without them.' 

'hey, you...you know it doesn't have to be like that right?' a hand found it's way on hoseok's face, the beta hadn't even realised he was crying until soft hands wiped his tears away. 'it has and-and it is like that. i have nowhere to go if i leave.' 

the touch burned, hoseok hadn't been shown such affection in what felt like years (maybe it was years) and he leaned into it. 'stay with me.' 

hoseok smiled sadly. 'as lovely as that sounds i don't know you that well.' 

the other male smiled before writing something onto a small piece of paper from his jacket. 'what's your name pretty boy?' 

hoseok felt himself blush a little. 'jung hoseok.' 

the other male smiled before handing the piece of paper to hoseok with a smile. 'well hoseok, call me when you need someone to talk to im always free.

oh, and the name's wang jackson.'


	2. Chapter 2

hoseok had returned home early in the morning, he tugged his shoes off before stumbling into the kitchen to get a glass of water. he needed to sober up just a little. 'seok?' 

he flinched at the sudden voice, nearly dropping the glass in his hand. he breathed a sigh of relief as he realised it was just yoongi. 'jeez you scared me hyung.' 

hoseok pulled a smile, though his thoughts still a little hazy as he wobbled past yoongi. 'seok.' the older repeated again, the beta slowly stopping before turning around dazedly.

'come sleep with the pack tonight.' 

hoseok knew not to get his hopes up whenever one of the alphas said that. he reminded himself that as he laid under a separate blanket from the others. their excuse of 'his scent might overwhelm jeongguk' as the omega did just come out of heat; using it as an excuse to place a barrier between them and hoseok. again.

he heard jimin and namjoon whisper and giggle, he knew not to try and involve himself. so he closed his eyes, thoughts going back to the beta had met at the club before a small smile found its way on his face. they had talked for hours and had felt disappointed when they had to go. he was even introduced to jackson's pack; they were so loving, even towards a stranger.

'you can stay with me.' 

he bit his lip to keep himself from giggling, scenting the pillow he held in his arms for comfort. he hadn't noticed his squirming had gotten the attention of the younger alpha, who had woken up.

'hyung...' the younger whined slightly, holding hoseok down to the bed in an attempt to stop the olders squirming. it did work though.

'sorry alpha.' hoseok apologised, adjusting himself underneath his blanket as he felt a little awkward with taehyung's hand still on him. 

it wasn't supposed to be unusual. but it was.

hoseok hadn't really felt the touch of his younger alpha as taehyung preferred to keep away from him.

hoseok slowly reached to move the hand off him, pushing it off before moving away slightly. he didn't want the younger to snap at him when he woke up. finding out that the person he was hugging wasn't one of the older alphas or omegas.

he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. curling into himself slightly. he wanted proper love, not this artificial one.

when he awoke he was by himself inside jeongguk's room. he pulled the blankets off of him and walked to the door getting ready to open it and head to the kitchen. but the sound of their laughing and clinking of plates stopped him. 

oh.

they were having breakfast without him. again.

he hesitated before opening the door quietly, slowly peaking out before leaving to his room. he felt sick. he walked towards the kitchen hastily. taking his time because he knew they forgot to make him a serving of whatever seokjin had cooked.

he avoided the dining room expertly, almost as if he'd been doing this all his life; he has.

he poured himself a small cup of tea before going to the backyard to soak in the morning sun by himself. because who wants to be with a beta anyways? 

'hyung, we're going to go out grocery shopping-'

'yup i'll watch the house.' hoseok said not a beat later. eyes focused on his phone and not on the omega. 'okay. bye.' namjoon waved a little awkwardly, leaving the beta to himself before he joined the rest of his pack. 

it had been half an hour since they left.

he threw himself at the kitchen sink with a sob. he hated the feeling that swarmed his stomach like bees. flying around and stinging the insides of it. he clutched at his chest and sobbed. why did they even accept him in this pack if all they were going to do was pretend he didn't exist?

he held onto his stomach; maybe he wasn't supposed to exist. he grabbed his phone and clicked the contact.

'jackson i need to talk.' 

when they had gotten home they came home to a quiet house. they thought nothing of it really. they never really did. instead of calling for the beta like good packs do, they just walked into the kitchen and placed the bags of food away. 

jimin had walked toward the betas room and knocked on the door. 'hey hyung, i bought these for you. they're your favourite.' he tossed the bag of chips toward hoseok who smiled at him. well, it looked like some form of smile.

'thank you alpha.' hoseok thanked softly, smile dropping as soon as the other left the room. 

'hoseok? what happened?' the voice on the other side of the line asked, hearing hoseok sigh deeply.

'one of my alphas just bought me my favourite snack.' 

he heard a small sound of happiness on the other side. 'isn't that good? see, it means they're thinking of you-'

'they're namjoon's favourite, not mine.' 

'oh.' 

hoseok sniffed again, wiping at his cheeks to try and rub the dry tears off. 'i-it's been 7 years. do they even know me?' 

'hoseok-'

'jackson, can i stay over?'


	3. Chapter 3

'namjoon..?' a timid voice asked from the omegas door. 'hyung?' 

'can i stay over at a-a friends for a few days?' 

namjoon pulled a confused face. hoseok normally didn't even leave the house for friends on weekends, weekdays or anyday. 'a friends house?' namjoon repeated, sitting up from his bed. 'yeah.' 

namjoon thought deeply about it before shrugging. 'yeah sure, i don't see why not.' hoseok pulled a smile before thanking the younger and leaving the room with a little bounce in his step making namjoon frown.

why wasn't hoseok that happy with his own pack? 

'get off of him youngjae.' jaebum groaned, pulling the omega off of the red hoseok. 'noooooo!' youngjae had whined trying to jump back onto the beta only to be chased by the younger alpha, yugyeom, who had a cucumber in his hand. 

'g-get that away from me! do you want me to die?!' youngjae screeched running for his life, literally. (if you don't understand the reference: youngjae is allergic to cucumbers.)

'welcome to our humble pack house hoseok. it's lovely to have you here.' jinyoung smiled, holding out a hand for hoseok to grab. 't-thank you. i'm sorry for coming so suddenly.' 

jinyoung just smiled and pat the betas tousled hair. 'it's okay, jackson is just in the shower. are you okay with sleeping in the pack room tonight? it's our pack night and we'd feel bad if you were left in the guest room by yourself.'

hoseok felt tears come to his eyes before he could stop them. 'hey don't cry...' he felt arms pull him into a hug before he was full on sobbing. 'i-i'm so sorry i-i just-'

jinyoung felt bad for the smaller beta. he must be so touch starved that he felt loved from the smallest shows of affection. 'shhh, i understand. come on, let's go and put your thing away and get you something to eat hmm? after that we can leave you and jackson alone for a while and then watch a movie? you're our guest.' 

hoseok felt bad for crying in front of the other, but how could he not? how could he not feel more love from a group of basically strangers that cared for him more than his own pack ever has? 

'i just broke down in front of him. i'm so embarrassed.' hoseok groaned, laying on the betas bed who listened. 'damn. that's sad, you okay though?' hoseok nodded, smiling at the beta who smiled back. 'you want something to eat?' hoseok shook his head. 

'your alpha made me something to eat.' jackson's smile widened before he pulled the beta out of the room. 'jackson-woah!' 

'come on, i want to show you something!' hoseok huffed and continued to allow himself to be dragged by the bouncy beta.

'wow...' 

the two had been sitting on the roof for half an hour now, watching the sunset. hoseok was mesmerised with the way the sky turned a soft pink colour and how the colours of the sky danced together in an oddly satisfying way that just worked. 

jackson was mesmerised by the way the sun made hoseoks skin glow. how it made hoseok look ethereal and innocent. how the sunsets rays made hoseok look like such a beauty he had to be painted by the gods. 

taking the moment to pull out his phone he snapped a quick photo, 'hoseok you look absolutely stunning.' he complimented, showing the other the photo he had taken. 'i do...' the other teased playfully, both laughing as they continued to watch the sun set before going back inside when there was nothing more than a little bit of sun peeking out. 

'you both look happy, was the sunset pretty?' jinyoung, who was mixing a pot of fudge, asked as the two males came in giggling. 'yeah, it was nice. it smells really good in here.' 

jinyoung smiled, pouring the mixture into a tin before turning towards the two betas. 'lovely, the others should be in the room. i'll bring the desserts once they've set and all okay?' 

they nodded before jackson led hoseok to the room were lots of laughing came from. 'hoseok!' he heard a voice squeal before he was pulled into the bed and into a cuddle pile. woah. were cuddles always so...so warm? 

the warmth that flooded into him almost felt unreal. it felt so good that he couldn't him but bury himself deeper into the warmth and inhale the scents around him. 

it smelt of something sweet, something sugary.

they had gone through four movies, it was currently 12 am.

hoseok had fallen asleep fast, leaning onto youngjae's shoulder, the omega pulling him into a tight hug and scenting the beta lazily before falling asleep as well.

bambam had sprawled himself across yugyeom and jaebums legs before dozing off in the middle of princess and the frog. 

jinyoung, mark and jackson had decided to clear up the empty bowls and packets of candy off of the others before filling in the empty spots on the bed. 'i really want him in our pack.' jackson whispered, playing with hoseoks locks.

'i know jackson,' jaebum whispered from where he laid, 'we want him too.'


	4. Chapter 4

'how was it hyung?' jeongguk asked from the door of hoseok's room. 'it was great, i wish i could've stayed longer.' hoseok sighed dreamily, flopping down onto his bed and breathing in the scent of the shirt he wore (yugyeom scenting it a few hours prior).

'you should take a shower, i can smell their scent all over you.' the younger scrunched his nose before leaving the room. hoseok couldn't help but roll  
his eyes, it wasn't his fault his own pack didn't even scent him. 

he ignored what the younger said and continued rolling around in his bed, looking at his bag which had been stuffed fill with youngjae and jackson's shirt and hoodies they had snuck into it. 

it almost felt as if he was meant for their pack rather than this one. because they made him feel needed more than he ever had. 

'hoseok, come down to eat dinner.' seokjin had called, the beta walking to the dining room on wobbly feet as he had just woken up. 

sitting down at his 'assigned seat' which was at the end of the table, basically sitting by himself, he served his plate and poked around at it; not feeling particularly hungry.

'what's wrong? do you not like it?' 

hoseok hurried to answer. 'it's not that, i ate a lot before coming; they kinda made me eat everything before i left because i looked a bit thin.' hoseok laughed at the memory, speaking so animatedly that they were confused as they've never seen hoseok this bouncy before.

'oh, well i-i can wrap it up for you to eat later.' taehyung stood up and took the betas plate and walked into the kitchen. 'i'm sorry for causing such a commotion, please forgive me.' hoseok apologised, feeling jittery for causing everyone to stop eating for something like this.

'it's fine...' yoongi shrugged, continuing to eat as he didn't really seem bothered. hoseok nodded before standing up and walking into the kitchen as well.

he watched as taehyung placed the now wrapped plate into the kitchen with a quiet groan. 'sorry my alpha.' hoseok bowed, standing back up when taehyung just walked past him. he couldn't fight the frown on his face as he stared at the spot the younger was just in; he went back to his room.

he went back into isolation.

the hot water hit his skin, causing him to flinch slightly then moan in relief. the water felt good against his bare skin, he scrubbed at his body with a lavender body wash. the one he always used. 

as he rubbed the shampoo into his hair he wondered: did his pack truly want him? 

he tried to remember of the times they'd go out as a pack; he could only remember a few times.

he tried to find ones where he wasn't excluded from some activities.

he smiled at a memory. the time they went to a carnival and there was a photo booth- 

they said there wasn't enough room for seven people, so they made hoseok wait for them. 

he frowned. 

what about the time they were at an aquarium? ah yes, they had gone and hoseok asked if they could go see the sharks-

they made him go by himself. 

as he washed the shampoo out of his hair he realised everytime they went out, it was never as a pack. but rather as them plus hoseok who was just a third party. almost as if they didn't want him there. 

'who's hoodie are you wearing? it doesn't smell like any of ours.' seokjin had asked as he passed hoseok on the way to the shower. 'it's my friends, they gave it to me to wear because um... it was cold.' smooth, real smooth. 

'well okay...just be sure to wash it once you're done with it.' the alpha had mumbled closing the bathroom door behind him.

'are you going to join us for breakfast today? we haven't really seen much of you...' jimin had whispered, reaching for hoseoks wrist only for the beta to bend down and tie his shoe lace.

'oh, you-you guys remembered me today?' hoseok was surprised, jimin was hurt. what does hoseok mean they remembered him today? 

unsure of how to respond jimin had just nodded and cocked his head towards the kitchen, gesturing the older to follow him.

'hoseok? you're quite dressed up.' namjoon had commented as the two males sat down. 'yeah i guess, i'm going to go out with friends.' 

they shrugged it off, not really caring and hoseok ignored the way his wolf whined at the action. 'yeah i'll just have something quick-'

the doorbell chimed and hoseok practically sprinted towards it. 'hoseokie!' 

jimin frowned at the alpha and beta who had been invited into the pack house as they waited for hoseok. jeongguk's nose scrunched up at the familiar scent that had lingered on hoseok when he had come back from his friends place.

'it is lovely to finally meet hoseokie's pack. we've heard lots about you.' jaebum bit out, smile fake and eyes perfectly hiding the spite he felt when he noticed a mark on all of their necks but hoseok's.

'you must be the friends that hoseok hung out with a while ago.' 

jackson smiled, 'pack actually. he stayed with our pack.' 

namjoon's eye twitched as he looked at hoseok who was occupied with a piece of toast covered in butter. 'ah, and where do you plan on taking hoseok tonight?' 

'we plan on taking him out with our pack again; just roaming and whatever. we might go to the aquarium.' 

hoseok's head snapped up. 'really? can we go see the sharks?' 

jackson giggled and pinched hoseok's puffed out cheeks. 'of course we can! there's also a new exhibit with sting rays. we can go see that as well right alpha?' jackson had turned to jaebum with hopeful eyes, the alpha smiling and nodding.

'o-oh, we'll have fun. return him by 11pm please...' namjoon had slowly said, watching as the beta left without a goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

he had been here before. so many times before this. but they were all spent alone.

is this what being part of a pack truly felt like?

he held hands with yugyeom and bambam as the walked down the endless hallway filled with water and marine life; youngjae latched onto mark and jaebum as he tried not to scream when he saw a shark swim over them.

hoseok laughed, face close to the glass as he stared in wonder at every fish that swam by. 'hyung look!' yugyeom giggled gesturing towards hoseok before pointing at a clown fish. 'oh my gosh it's nemo!' hoseok giggled, snapping a quick photo. mentally reminding himself to create a separate folder for photos from today.

'come on you two, let's go eat at that cafe they have here.' mark had called, the two having a race towards their pack. huh. their pack.

the food was amazing. hoseok couldn't help but drool as the food had finally been placed on their table. 'i think i'm in heaven.' he groaned, taking another bite of the sweet pastry he had ordered, fake crying when jackson had stolen a bite out of it.

'oh my god he's not wrong.' 

'what really? gimme some.'

'wait i want to try!'

'lemme get a bite of that.'

hoseok pouted as he watched them eat the pastry one by one before getting back up and ordering another two. 'can't believe you ate it all, i only took one bite!' hoseok whined with a roll of his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. 'oopsie.'

'i'm gonna buy this.' hoseok exclaimed, holding the enormous stuffed flower in his hands before running- attempting to run- to the counter. 'that's the last one though!' bambam had shrieked, trying to run after hoseok only to trip on his own feet, youngjae burtsing out in laughter.

'this all for today sir?'

'yep! i'll pay with card.' he swiped his card before punching in the pin code. 'is that your pack?' the male at the counter asked. 'ah no, they're...they're...' what were they to hoseok?

friends? family? _pack?_

'they're my friends.'

but was that really what he thought?

it was like they were his pack away from his actual one. but even then the bite mark on his neck proved that as of right now, he wasn’t bound to any pack.

the male behind the counter smiled before handing hoseok the stuffed flower. 'have a good night!'

when hoseok had opened the door at half past 11 he didn't expect for yoongi to be waiting at the door for him. 'oh, hello hyung.' the slightly smaller male had had grabbed hoseok by the collar and sniffed his neck, nose twitching.

'you smell awful. take a shower and wash their scent off now.' biting his lip to hold in a protest, hoseok walked to his room and placed everything he and the im pack had bought down before shuffling off to the bathroom. he could feel the alpha watching his every move with beady eyes; almost as if hoseok was prey.

'you smell better now.' yoongi hummed, hoseok drying his hair off with a towel. hoseok nodded and opened the fridge, 'you still came pretty late hoseok. you worried namjoon-ah.' oh.

he bit the inside of his cheeks as his back was turned to the alpha. yoongi never worried about him. no one does really. except for namjoon, but it’s in an omega’s nature. 'oh, i'm sorry. i should go apologise to him.' mumbled the younger as he pulled out a carton of apple juice before leaving the kitchen.

when he awoke he hadn't expected namjoon to be at the foot of his bed awkwardly. 'namjoon-ah?' the omega looked up, scratching the back of his neck. 'hyung told me you where home. i-i just wanted to...i don't know...see if you were here or not myself.' nodding, hoseok rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

'hyung...who's clothes are those?' snapping his head up hoseok looked at his bed confused before his eyes widened. shit.

he had forgotten he had made a nest out of all the things which made him feel safe. he had used the hoodies and shirts of youngjae and jackson. used the stuffed animals they had bought him. used everything but the things his pack had. he knew he fucked up.

'they're...' he couldn't even form a proper sentence before namjoon was speed walking out of his room. he knew the younger was disgusted, he could tell by the way namjoon's lavender scent had become sour and the way his face contorted into a frown and the way his jaw clenched.

as he sat on the kitchen table alone he ignored the burning eyes glaring at him. he felt a lot more weighed down than he normally did. having to juggle pleasing his pack and somehow finding happiness in another seemed to have its toll on him. he felt as if he was getting weaker.

'hoseok-ah.' he heard a voice call him from the lounge. he trudged towards the voice and stood at the opening of the lounge, not getting any closer. 'did you need me?' seokjin gave a tight lipped smile before gesturing over to the chair next to taehyung to which hoseok shook his head at. 'i'm-i'm okay where i am...' frowning but nodding seokjin threw a look at namjoon.

'hyung why were you nesting in another packs things? do we not make you feel safe?' hoseok felt his whole being shake. 'w-what?! of course you do! it's just that...i don't know. they've given me so much comfort the past few weeks and it's just nice to finally have people like them in my life...'

how did those words offend the youngest? they weren’t meant to be offensive.

'what do you mean people like them? do we not treat you well?' hoseok rushed to stop the accusation of the young omega 'of course you do! it's just sometimes i get...i get lonely and they make me happy.'

taehyung growled and pushed the beta against the wall, ignoring the shouts of namjoon. 'so they make you happy and we don't? you'd rather be with another pack than your own huh?!' hoseok yelped and pushed against the younger alpha with all the strength he could conjure up.

'n-no! y-you don't understand!' hoseok cried, gasping as the alpha was finally pulled off of him. seokjin pulled the younger alpha behind him, smiling at hoseok before slapping the beta. 'you're right hoseok, we don't understand.'

and maybe they never will.


	6. Chapter 6

when did nights become this unbearable?

hoseok had found himself crying every night, heart in his throat.

he couldn't eat at all.

he had locked himself in his room, too scared to go outside in fear of walking into taehyung and seokjin.too scared to see namjoon's disgusted face. 'hyung, it's me jimin.' a voice whispered from outside his door. slowly he unlocked his door and opened it, peeping through the small gap. he took the food out of the younger alphas hands shakily, not making eye contact with the other.

he shut the door, locking it and returning back to his last position. the bag of food already forgotten on his desk along with the other bags that had barely been touched.

the bond he had with his pack felt like it was slowly withering away.

'is hoseok here?' seokjin stared down at the beta, glancing towards the betas alpha before he stepped to the side and cocked his head towards the hall.

jackson took notice of how uninterested the alpha looked, noticed how his scent became sour at the mention of hoseok, how the alphas eyes focused on something that wasn't entirely there.

walking into the house with jaebum, jackson took one last glance towards the glaring seokjin.

how strange.

'oh my god hoseok.' jackson gasped, bringing the crying beta into his chest. releasing his pheromones, jaebum cradled both betas into his chest. both males trying to calm hoseok down.

'hoseok,' jackson shook the male softly, 'you're coming with us okay?' jaebum, who had already started packing some of hoseok's things, growled at the alpha standing at the door way.

'what are you doing with my beta?!' the alphas voice was slightly higher pitched than usual, his face twisted into a look of something between possessiveness and confusion.

there was a thick layer of tension between the four. so thick you could actually feel it even from the other rooms which voices could be heard from.

'he's coming with us.' jaebum barked out, shoving the last of some of hoseoks things into a bag before pulling both betas out of the room, past the now yelling jimin.

'i think the fuck not! give him back!' jimin screeched,taehyung came in with a frantic look. holding onto the raging jimin. 'the fuck is going on here?!'

the growl that was heard didn't come from jaebum, or any of the alphas but from jackson who held the shaking -still sobbing- hoseok. 'we're taking him with us you scum bags...'

taehyung gasped, scowling at the two 'intruders'. 'hoseok.' hoseok shook, moving out of jackson's arms slowly. getting pulled back behind another tall body.

'we're taking him and that's final.' jinyoung snarled out, glaring at the tall alpha. the two held their glaring competition till taehyung scoffed, pushing at the olders chest. 'fucking take him then.'

everything was tense in the im pack house. hoseok currently being coddled by the two omegas and beta while the alphas talked in a separate room with hushed voices. as if they were afraid hoseok would hear them. but it was as if the betas ears cut off from the world.

the sweet words the three males whispered to him went unheard as he stared at his still shaking legs. it scared him how he couldn't hear anything, almost as if he was there but-but wasn't at the same time. he could see and feel everything. but why couldn't he hear the words of comfort he needed the most?

the soft fabric of the blanket did nothing to stop the ongoing panic of his now quiet world. '-ok. -seok. hoseok? hoseok sweetie can you hear me?' a blurry, seemingly watered down voice broke into his ears suddenly. causing a gasp to rip through the room as hoseok flinched and covered his ears.

sounds were exemplified. everything became loud.

'hoseok calm down. count to three okay? deep breathes with me okay?' soothing hands rubbed up and down at his vibrating arms. what was happening to him?

eyes opening, he winced before deciding it would be better off if he closed them and kept them closed. his head throbbed, his body like fire, hot to the touch. 'hey sweetie. you're sick right now because your body is tired. you went through a panic attack before and fainted.'

there was so much to process and to be completely honest, hoseok still couldn't understand what was going on. 'hyung...' he felt so sick .

his downfall is only going to continue.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the support!!

he entered his pack house after a week quietly. holding in a breath as if if he were to let it go a bomb would go off. 'hyung?' he felt shaking hands grip his and he flinched. 'koo?' 

the younger omega sobbed, pulling the beta closer to him. burying his nose into hoseok's neck and trying to scent over jinyoung's scent. it felt weird. 'hyung don't leave me please.' hoseok sighed and stroked jeongguk's hair. they were still standing out in the middle of the hallway. 

anyone could see them.

'hyungie. please say something.' hoseok took notice of the new hickey on jeongguk's neck. oh. 'i'm going to go to my room.' and he left the omega alone in the hallway. just like how they'd leave him

a pungent smell invaded his sense. he looked up from the book he had his nose stuffed in and frowned. 'hey.' the alpha breathed, slowly moving towards hoseok's bed. it felt awkward. correction- it was awkward.

the beta didn't say anything and just continued to bore his tired eyes onto the shifting alpha. seokjin rubbed behind his nape and proceeded to sit down on the bed in a very parent-like manner. 

'hoseok. i'm sorry for hitting you. i didn't mean to it's just-'

'thank you hyung.' 

seokjin was surprised as the betas voice quietly made its way through his ears. 'huh?' 

closing the book in his hands, hoseok sat upright. his eyes drooping shut before they opened again. 'thank you for apologising hyung.' 

the beta had neither accepted or rejected his apology but instead, avoided it as a whole. 'hoseok, we're going to...we're going to watch a movie. would you like to join?'

he looked away from the alpha, his heart pounding not out of love but out of what he could only point out as slight fear

'y-yeah. i'll be down soon.' 

he was stupid to still want them. 

as seokjin left the room, hoseok let out a shaky breath he had held in and gripped his hair. pulling at it as a way to deal with the stress he couldn't escape at all.

'we're waiting for hoseok.' seokjin cleared his throat, eyes flickering back to the hallway waiting for said beta to walk down it. 'hoseok is here?' yoongi, who was surprised (and slightly excited), asked though quickly coughing to cover it up. 

just as they had finished their small conversation on the beta, said male walked into the room slowly. sitting far away (as always). 

not even a beat after he sat down 'hyung come closer.' namjoon had murmured, gesturing the other male to come closer.

the beta's gaze remained glued to the floor as he shimmied only a little closer to his pack. taehyung growled, causing the beta to freeze all over, hands immediately coming up defensively. the younger alpha gripped the betas upper body and pulled him closer towards the pack. 

'it's not that hard to understand.' taehyung huffed, pulling his hands back and crossing them over his chest, looking everywhere but the beta. hoseok thinned his lips, 'yeah, sorry...'

the movie played and the awkward air didn't seem to dissipate at all. hoseok squirmed in his spot every few minutes, fidgeting with his shirt as if it were suffocating him. 

he felt hands pull him into a chest and he sighed. he breathed in namjoons scent, hoping to find comfort in it. he did, surprisingly. 

though when he awoke to the sound of rain hitting the window, he was alone again. though this time surrounded by various shirts and teddy bears. he was met with confusion. 

he was at his own pack house, was he not?   
he never made a nest with their belongings, so what was this? 

'hey hyung.' he heard jimin greet him from the door way, eyes a little red almost as if he had been crying. 'jimin?' 

the younger alpha sniffled, immediately running into the nest as hoseok had opened his arms for the other. 'hyung.' the alpha gasped, crying into hoseok's shirt as he mumbled incoherently. 

hoseok stroked the younger alphas back soothingly, 'what's wrong diminnie?' he asked finally after a while. 'hyung- you won't leave us right? you won't r-r-right?' the alpha was frantic, eyes crazed as he clutched the betas shirt.

hoseok pulled away, removing the alphas hands from his shirt. 'if i wanted to leave i would've left ages ago.' 

jimin didn't seem too convinced, 'but-but the other pack hyung.' hoseok ignored it and pat the alpha's tussled hair down. 'i won't leave you jimin, i promise my sweet alpha.' hoseok whispered again, wiping the tears off of jimin's face tenderly. 

jimin shut his eyes and basked in hoseok's warmth, in hoseok's scent that he hid so well, in hoseok's embrace. 

because they both knew, even if no one said it, that some promises were meant to be broken.


	8. Chapter 8

the fridge was empty. and so was the house. 

hoseok roamed aimlessly, as if he hadn't lived here for the past few years. the walls decorated with his pack photos, and his room littered with empty pill bottles. 

his pack couldn't know. 

he bit his lip as he shoved them into a trash bag. 

no one can know. 

he pulled open his closet and threw them in, piling clothes on top as he slammed it shut. 

no one can know. he repeated, shuffling into the living room and lazily 'scenting' a pillow. the television was on but it had no significance other than to fill the silence of the house. it's only purpose was to serve as background noise, and maybe to drown out the onslaught of unhealthy thoughts swimming around hoseok's head.

'hyung!' he hears namjoon call out to him from the house. his eyes snap away from the pillow as he sluggishly steps towards the door. 'hey hyung.' hoseok brought the bags into his chest as he stumbled towards the kitchen. 'we bought takeaways tonight.' hoseok nodded, pulling plates out and laying them on the table.

'hyung are you ignoring me?' namjoon asked quietly, trying not to cause a scene as the other pack members walked in. 'of course not, i'm just...a little tired.' hoseok answered. i mean, it wasn't a lie. but was it the entire truth? 

hoseok swallowed down the voice nagging him, giving namjoon a half hearted smile before brushing pass taehyung who gave him a funny look. yeah, he sniffed rubbing his red eyes as he looked at himself in his bathroom mirror. just a little tired.

dinner was quiet. at least it was for hoseok. he stared at his food eating slowly. his pack members engaged in conversations he couldn't hear, almost as if they had been muted. 'hoseok. are you going to eat that?' he heard yoongi call from a seat down from him.

he noticed how the alpha's plate was empty, how his own was only an eighth ways done. 'um, you can have it hyung.' hoseok mumbled, pushing his plate towards the alpha. 'wait hyung are you sure? you didn't eat anyth-' jeongguk was cut off by a sharp cough from taehyung. 'he already said yes jeongguk, so let hyung eat it. yoongi's been working hard the past week and hoseok hasn’t , yoongi hyung deserves it more.' 

hoseok felt a sharp jab in his heart as jeongguk seemed eased at the younger alphas words. after thinking they had started going forward, hoseok decided that they had been in place. running on the spot. 

he stood up and left without another word nonetheless, no one paying any mind to him as they continued their conversations. like they hadn't just heard taehyung basically tell hoseok to starve for his pack. 

hoseok chuckled bitterly, throwing a towel over the mirror in his room as he swallowed three pills. how pathetic. he thought. he shoved clothes into his bag and left through the front door, ignoring the shouts of namjoon as he ran out, he didn't know where he would go. he just needed to leave

it's fucking pathetic.

he entered the pack house a few days later. hair a mess and eyes looking as if he hadn't closed them in years. he heard namjoon sob as he was pulled into the tall omega's chest. 'oh my god- hyung...' he gasped, gripping every part of hoseok's trembling frame with desperation. 

jeongguk followed in suit, dropping his controller as he ran towards hoseok with a cry. hoseok, now engulfed by two taller omegas, remained unfazed. his eyes looking at them but almost as if he couldn't see them. 

he pulled himself out of the hug and stalked towards his room, the two omegas quick to follow. hoseok flopped onto his bed, breathing in a scent which wasn't entirely his. when jimin ran into the room he realised the three pack mates had been sleeping in his room ever since that night.

he threw the pack scented pillow off to the side, closing his eyes slowly. he groaned as his bed dipped and bodies surrounded him suddenly.

'hyung, hyung talk to us.' they pleaded, though hoseok wasn't bothered at all. he was just tired. 

so tired of feeling belittled.

he opened his eyes to see the pack in his room, the three other alphas staring at him blankly. the other three cooped up next to him with their half assed apologies. 

that's all it ever was. 

hoseok sat upright, pushing jimin off him.

'hoseok hyung please talk to u-'

'i hate all of you.'

he said it. there was no regret lingering in him as the words left his mouth. he heard multiple gasps rip out of each pack mate but he couldn't careless. he felt so numb.

yoongi growled, moving forward and gripping the collar of hoseok's shirt. 'what did you say beta?!' 

hoseok's eyes met yoongi's, the alpha taking it as a challenge. glaring back with not as much intensity. 'i said,' hoseok growled back, 'i fucking hate you.'

yoongi blinked, furious as he threw the beta onto the floor. disgust all over his face as he tried to grab him. 'what are you gonna do huh?!' hoseok shouted, eyes crazed. 'are you gonna give me more reasons to hate you?!' hoseok too tried to fight the alpha but both males were being held back.

'stand down!' seokjin shouted, everyone bowing their heads at the head alpha though hoseok remained with his head held up high, chest puffed out almost cockily. 'i said stand down.' seokjin snarled, chest to chest with the beta. 

'you're not my alpha.' hoseok barked out, causing seokjin to pull away. his face hurt, his eyes wide. 

'i hate all of you and i mean it.’


	9. Chapter 9

the air was tense. 

'take it back hoseok.' the beta just laughed, ignoring the way the two omegas suddenly grew teary. ignoring the way yoongi and taehyung growled.'y-you don't mean it hyung...' namjoon stuttered trying to reach for the beta only for him to move away. 

'i mean it.' hoseok stood strong until he was grabbed by the neck and slammed to the floor. 'you fucking piece of shit.' 

hoseok watched terrified, the alpha who currently choked the air out of him wasn't the one he knew. he wasn't the soft alpha who opened his heart to him not too long ago. jimin would never do this. 'j-jimin.' 

'jimin let him go!'one of the omegas screamed, he didn't know which one. he couldn't- he was right. 

if they needed him they wouldn't be trying to kill him.

the alpha ignored the packs pleas, squeezing harder and harder until he let go; just before hoseok nearly passed out. jimin gasped, eyes shaky as he tried to reach out for the beta 'hobi i-i didn't mean-' the beta flinched as the alpha tried to get closer, eyes wide and afraid. 

'you-you tried to kill me...' hoseok whispered, standing up on wobbly feet. jimin felt his heart drop like an anvil. 'no-no hoseok. please i didn't mean to hurt you.' 

'you tried to fucking kill me!' hoseok screeched, arms coming over his body to protect himself as the pack got closer. his eyes were wide and they moved around frantically to their faces. all he could register was that he was in danger. 

danger.danger.danger.danger .

'hoseok...' seokjin whispered, trying to get the beta to come closer. they fucked up. 

all they've been doing is fuck up. 

he ignored the way the beta flinched in his arms. he scented the beta, he couldn't lose a pack member.

'shhh it's okay hob-ah. we're sorry. we're sorry sweet beta. you know we love you so much.'

'i don't- go away.' hoseok cried, failing to push away the head alpha. 'you don't love me. none of you do. all you do is lie!' there was a bruise, the shape of a hand slowly becoming known on hoseok's neck.

yoongi bit his lip, him and taehyung sharing a look. 'you're right hoseok.' taehyung barked, eyes taunting. there was no remorse, no mercy. no love in his eyes.

'we don't love you.' 

no one said anything. not even to deny it. 

he didn't know where he would go. he just...he couldn't stay here any longer. 

he's not even fully part of the pack for fucks sake. there's no mark to bound him to the pack. there's nothing here for him. no love to be reciprocated. 

he sniffed, throwing the last of...everything into the suitcases. he stared at the empty pill bottles that decorated his floor. he didn't care at this point.

'hey jaebum...yeah...please? okay i'll be waiting. thank you.'

he hung the phone up. picking up his belongings and walking to the front door. opening and leaving it. well trying to.

'hoseok...' seokjin breathed, gently touching hoseok's shoulder causing the beta to stop. 'oh our sweet beta. please can we just...talk about this?' 

hoseok turned to glare at the alpha. the supposedly sweet words being the same thing he’d say when he wanted something. 'what's there to talk about seokjin?' 

no alpha, no love behind the words. just pure pain. seokjin bit his lip, as he moved his hand from hoseok's shoulder to cup his red cheek. 

'us, the pack. everything. we can't lose our sweet beta.'

'i'm not your beta anymore. i'm leaving this pack.' 

seokjin pulled away, like the words burned him. 'w-what? why...' hoseok continued walking out the door, happy that jaebum was there waiting. seokjin stood shocked, he ignored the tears that fell from his face and ran after hoseok.

'hoseok you can't do this to us!' seokjin cried, trying to get the beta back into the house. 'i can seokjin. and i will. the only thing that kept me here was the hopes of you changing. but you can’t change those who don’t want to. go fuck yourself.' 

jeongguk had stumbled into hoseok's room, heart aching for the beta. 'hyungie.' he whispered, looking around the bare room. he was...where was his hyung?

he walked around the room, jumping when he stepped on an unknown object. he looked down at the ground, his eyes wide as saucers. 

why were there so many pill bottles in his hyungs room? 

he picked up a few of them shakily examining the labels.

they dropped out of his hands. 

why would his beta hyung need suppressants?

'thank you again.' hoseok whispered, jinyoung rubbing his hands up and down the beta's arms soothingly. 'it's okay hoseok, stay here as long as you'd like.' hoseok bit his lip and nodded. 

'this is...this is weird but hoseok?' the beta hummed, turning to face bambam who had slightly flushed cheeks (after running around the house to gather every single blanket to wrap hoseok in.) 'why do you smell like an omega?' 

'what the fuck do you mean he could be an omega?!' yoongi snarled as he gripped the sides of his head. 'i don't fucking know! why else would he have suppressants in his room?!' 

the pack of now 6 were currently in hoseok's room, or what was his room. after jeongguk had found the bottles, he had let out a loud cry. alerting the rest of the pack as they ran in to help their distressed omega. 

'no-there's no way hoseok is an omega. he's a beta and will always be one. these-these aren't his. they can't be!' namjoon sobbed, there couldn't have been any other clues to show what sub gender hoseok really was.

hoseok was a beta.

hoseok is a beta. 

he can't be an omega. 

'i'm not an omega!' hoseok groaned, pushing yugyeom away from his neck. 'you smell like one though, this is actually my first time smelling your scent. you don't smell like a beta.' 

hoseok rolled his eyes and slapped the back of the young alpha. 'just because i smell like an omega doesn't mean i am one. i'm a beta you dimwit.' 

the pack laughed as yugyeom grumbled under his breath. 'i just take scent suppressants so idiots like yugyeom don't go around thinking i'm an omega.' yugyeom pouted.

'what about your old pack? did they know?' hoseok knew who they were referring to. 'well, they probably do now.' he shrugged, instantly shutting down any conversation about the kim pack. 

it's seven years of pain he doesn't want to talk about. leaving the pack was the best thing he could've done. 

because how can you fix what you never had?


	10. Chapter 10

weeks had gone by. 

weeks full of walking into the betas room to grab him for breakfast, lunch and dinner. but he was never there. 

his absence, why did it feel so wrong? 

jimin found himself staring at the room of the beta everytime he passed it. found himself staring at his hands late at night when all he could think about was his beta.

but hoseok wasn't theirs anymore. 

had hoseok been theirs at the start though? 

'hobi hyung! i passed my math exam!' jeongguk grinned walking into the betas room only to be met with silence. oh, he thought immediately being met with emptiness in his heart. 

he moved to hoseoks bed which vaguely smelt like...smelt like hoseok. hints of honey and vanilla. something sweet and innocent. 

something so hoseok that jeongguk felt at ease.

taehyung ignored everything. put away the lone teddy bears hoseok had once owned away...away underneath his pillow. he’d pretend he didn’t care even as he'd walk into the betas room to sleep on his bed. even as he'd stare at a photo of hoseok for hours on end. 

'i don't miss him.' he snorted, throwing the photo in the trash. but after 5 hour he'd go back.

back to pick it out and dust it off. placing it back in his wallet. 'i don't miss him.'

like taehyung, yoongi found himself staring at pictures of hoseok. the ones they had taken years ago. there was only one photo of hoseok he had from this year. 

wasn't it pathetic? 

'i hate all of you!'

why did his heart hurt so much? yoongi scoffed, he didn't love hoseok. he didn't. 

but if he didn't love the beta, why was he crying?

namjoon and seokjin, no one knew what happened to them. the omega had locked himself in his room for days on end before eventually walking out. seokjin had buried himself in piles of work. 

the pack was slowly falling apart. 

was hoseok happy?

yes. yes he was.

the beta currently was watching a movie by himself. having a 'me day'. he was surrounded by snacks and blankets...and a pouting jackson who kept trying to sneak his way in.

eventually jackson trying to sneak in turned into him and youngjae trying to. before he knew it, hoseok had the whole pack outside his door.

and then on his bed eating away at his snacks.

'i-' hoseok grumbled under his breath, slapping the hands of mark who tried to wrap his arms around him. 'no cuddles for you.' 

mark whined, trying again only to be swatted by hoseok again. 'i'll bite your hands off.' hoseok grunted, hauling the slightly shorter alpha onto youngjae. 

'this movie sucks.' yugyeom snorted, throwing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. 

rolling his eyes the beta kicked him slightly. 'then leave.' 

jackson howled with laughter at yugyeoms defeated face before being shushed but everyone around him. 

yeah, hoseok was more than happy.


End file.
